Tip 5: I’m BOOORRRED…

Home Every Day with the Kids? How-to Tips for Care-givers from a Homeschooler Turned Educational Assistant

So school is closed, for a while. The kids are at home all day, every day. How to survive? How to have order vs. chaos, co-operation vs conflict, sanity vs. insanity? I can’t tell you how to create a lovely always happy house full of kids, but if a tip or two might give you 20 more successful minutes in your day, then that could help, right?! What to do is a lot easier to figure out than how to do it, with all your hair intact and everyone still speaking to each other.

Now for Tip Five: I’m BOOOORRRED….

Lists like 10 top activities to do with your kids are trending right now. All the ideas are very helpful. We want our kids to learn and keep busy and our households to be happy, calm and peaceful. We don’t want our kids to be stressed out and anxious about all this virus business — and acting out as a result. And we definitely don’t want them to spend entire days playing video games!

But without boredom, your kids will not learn to take initiative, problem-solve, know what they want, lead, follow, learn teamwork and empathy, and develop their creative skills. Pretty much every job skill employers are looking for these days: how to work independently. So the goal is not to eliminate boredom — the goal is to make it work for you and for your kids. And how to do that, is to schedule it into their day.

A kid who is bored all day can easily become a problem. They get stressed out, grumpy, whiny, stuck. And the more unhappy they are, the more difficult their behaviour becomes. We don’t want that. Bored time needs some fences around it, to avoid that. So keep reading and trying those lists of things to do with your kids, because they need that too. The good news is, you don’t need to — and you shouldn’t — do that all day!

Lessons can be learned from school here. Your school-aged kids are used to a structured day. Chances are, one or more of your kids at home right now are really having a hard time without that structure. (I know a lot of adults who are, right now!) Nobody likes it when we don’t know what to expect from one day to the next. Imagine going to work and your employer saying to you: “Just do whatever you like.” Every day. How long before you would be stressed out? How long before they were unhappy with your choices? Having a routine at home is important.

Here are a few things you can learn from teachers about a routine that works.

1. Kids have the most energy and attention in the morning. So the most important or the most challenging tasks are scheduled first thing in the morning and first thing after lunch. (When my kids started their day with screen time, they lost this initial energy to the screen, and the rest of the day I just couldn’t get it back. So I moved screen time to just before dinner, when it could be more useful for me and a time to relax, for them.)

2. Break it down. The elementary school day is divided up into chunks of time. Think approx.. 30 min time slots. Two in the morning, then snack and a break. Two more, and then lunch and a play break. Two more, afternoon snack and recess, and then two more before the last bell. (Screen time works much better here, than earlier in the day.)

3. It’s the little things that make tasks easier. Making a game of it, for example. Using different materials. Competition — trying to beat your own time or someone else’s. Little rewards to work towards, as simple as a sticker, can motivate. Doing things together with an adult is the biggest motivator of all…

So. Structuring your day will really help. Structure doesn’t have to be a schedule with times in the margin and bells going off to indicate it’s time to switch activities. Structure at home is as easy as eat breakfast, get dressed, complete a chore, do a learning activity lead by the adult, have snack. Then outside time or other physical activity (dance party anyone?), one more learning activity, lunch. One hour Quiet Hour. Kid-led Time. (This is when they can get bored. And when you can get something done.) Then one hour screen time, dinner, family time, (a read-aloud is great here), bedtime. Phew, you made it. Your time.

The purpose of Kid-led Time is to let them get bored. You can help them out by brain-storming ideas with your kids in the morning. Make a long list together of possibilities, and rule out ideas that would require materials that you don’t have or heavy adult assistance to execute. (Those ideas can be added to your morning list.) Maybe take some time to create a bin together of materials they could use to make stuff. After this is done, you will have to stay out of it. The goal is to work independently.

When they come to you with sighs and wails that they are bored, you will know things are going as you planned. You can simply say “Are you asking me to understand, or to help you out?” And if they want some help, simply remind them of the list you made earlier, and suggest a few chores they could do for you, if they are really stuck. And then go back to what you are doing.

Don’t feel like you are not doing your job or being a good parent by not helping them. They can’t take initiative if you take it from them. And they won’t be creative if you tell them how to do it. They won’t learn to decide what they want if we always decide for them, and they won’t learn to lead, follow and listen to each other (if you have more than one kid around) unless the adults leave them to it. In short, the ability to work independently takes time and effort to learn. And besides, you need this time to work yourself, or do the household stuff.

If they aren’t used to being bored, they will need some emotional understanding and support — maybe initially a few suggestions. But hang in there — like everything else they will figure it out — and it might become a favourite part of your day.

Here’s the thing about kids being bored and care-giver guilt. We can feel like it is our job to not only care for but also entertain our kids. It’s not. It is our job to be the leader, to meet their physical needs, to support them emotionally, to teach them to new skills, new perspectives, and new information. That’s all stuff you will do with them in the morning! So let go of the guilt, and let your kids get bored. If they aren’t used to being bored, they will need some emotional understanding and support — maybe initially a few suggestions. But hang in there — like everything else they will figure it out — and it might become a favourite part of your day. (Okay well, maybe next favourite, after One Hour Quiet Hour.)

It is one of the main reasons I decided to home-school my kids in their primary years. Because I wanted to give them this time. We did all the school work in the mornings. Afternoons were time to develop as the unique humans they all are!

This is a hidden gift of these days when we are all staying at home. Time to get bored is not usually a part of our week days, when things are running ‘normally’. It’s not time that we normally have to give them.

At the end of it all, we don’t need to stress that our kids are paying a negative price during this pandemic. We can make it work for them, and even make it part of their growth. We all know; every success matters, no matter how small, when we are home every day with the kids. We are all in this together, even though we can’t be together. As Red Green says, keep your stick on the ice.

My first tip is The magical neutrality of a simple kitchen timer. You can find that here: https://medium.com/@shelleylittle.maw/home-every-day-with-the-kids-d5116b3ef259

My Second Tip is How to teach the kids to fight fair. And by fight I mean battle over something they both want. You can find that here: https://medium.com/@shelleylittle.maw/home-every-day-with-the-kids-a96c58b40a9

My Third Tip is directly linked to Care-giver survival: SPACE. You can find that here: https://medium.com/@shelleylittle.maw/home-every-day-with-the-kids-bea0bed8757a

And here is Tip Four: Not a martyr or a tyrant, but a calm and assertive leader. You can find that here: https://medium.com/@shelleylittle.maw/home-every-day-with-the-kids-db42f354321d