The TOP FIVE Things I Did WRONG In Homeschooling
- I tried to use control…
…to get them to do their work. Yep. I used “because I said so” far too often, and lots of proverbial finger wagging and threats. The truth is, good classroom teachers don’t do that. They figure out how to engage the kids in learning. They figure out how to pique their students’ interest, how to make it fun or different in small ways, and how to get their students to feel good about their learning. They use discipline as boundaries. Boundaries are fences, as in: ‘You can’t talk when I’m talking because nobody can hear me’ and ‘Do this first, and then you can do that.’
2. I worried about my kids’ future.
A lot. I worried about their future and whether or not I was doing enough. That anxiety came across, I am sure. It put an edge on everything we did and especially an edge when they were struggling. Truth is, what I didn’t know is that kids naturally learn, all the time. And I didn’t know how much of the public school day is not spent actually doing curriculum. A lot of the day goes by doing things that are necessary to teach a group of 25 or 30. For example, the morning bell at my school rings at 9:00. Teaching the first lesson doesn’t start until 9:15 or 9:20, and it goes until 10:00. After recess and snack, teaching resumes at about 10:30. That time ends at 11:45 for lunch. So in the morning, teaching and schoolwork is happening for about 40 + 75 minutes = 115 minutes. And during that time, I’m guessing that 1/3 of the time (38 minutes) is spent handing out materials, waiting for quiet, answering questions from 15 other students (besides you own) and transitioning (getting out new materials, putting things away, lining up, walking down the hall) from one subject to another. So that leaves 77 minutes of direct work and learning done by your kid in the classroom. For the whole morning. And during that 77 minutes they are listening, reading, writing, talking, doing, standing, sitting, moving, creating, exploring, and investigating. Rule of thumb: add 5 to your kid’s age, and that’s how long they can do one thing in the same way.
That is not to say that they are not learning other things the remainder of the time. Kids never stop learning, so during that time they are learning things like waiting their turn, listening, respect, following directions, teamwork, etc. All things your kid is learning all day as well, as part of a family.
3. I worried about socialization.
Would my kids learn how to get along with others? To take turns, play nice, hear different points of view, stand up for themselves, communicate their own needs, wants, likes and dislikes and hear those of others as well? Here’s the dictionary on socialization: “a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position.” (dictionary.com) And “the process beginning during childhood by which individuals acquire the values, habits, and attitudes of a society.” (merriam-webster.com)
School teachers are well aware that most of these values are learned not at school, but from kids’ most important people. At school, kids learn their personal identity based on where they fit in the larger group. To put it very simply; for example, if they are shorter than most of the other kids they know, “I am a short person” becomes part of their personal identity. If they really like something but the larger group does not share this affinity, kids will change their preferences to fit those of the large group. Or, they learn to hide this ‘like’ from the group because it isn’t acceptable. If they think they are good at something and they see that other kids are better at it, some kids will change their thinking and decide that they are not good at that thing, after all. The reverse is also true, that kids may not think they are good at something until they see that they are better at it than their peers.
Kids at home, in the absence of the large group, develop their identity based how they fit in their family, what they like and don’t like to do, and how their important people reflect back to them who they are.
Truth is, kids are socialized no matter what environment they are in. It happens automatically. That only becomes a negative if they are totally sheltered from the world and from all other people. The best results happen when kids can be themselves without judgement, and when they do life with others of all ages and perspectives.
4. I worried about how well I was doing.
As a person who grew up in public school, I carried over the idea that I can know how well I am doing and by extension how well my kids are doing, based on how everyone else is doing. Truth is, whatever engaged my kids in learning was a good idea, and if they were making progress in their own knowledge, skills and experience, they were learning appropriately. End of story. This is no different than if they were in public school, actually. Another kid’s grades have absolutely nothing to do with your kid’s grades. Considering the grades of the whole class is all about the teacher and the curriculum and not about the students at all. At home, I didn’t need the results of the whole class to tell me whether or not my kids were engaged and learning.
5. I worried about what other people thought.
Plenty of people; friends, family and strangers, worried about my kids and whether or not homeschooling was a good idea. Their worry leaked over onto me, probably because I was already worrying — see #2–4. Thankfully, in these days of schools closed due to covid19, everyone is in the same boat. And if your family are still worrying, feel free to share this article with them.
Truth is, kids are always learning. You can’t stop them. All you need to do is give them opportunities. So don’t make the mistakes I made. Relax, and enjoy the time. It will be gone before you know it. And chances are, your kids will remember this time (mostly) fondly, because what kids love the most in the world is to be with their most important people. And that’s you.
For more tips on being home with the kids, go here: https://medium.com/@shelleylittle.maw/home-every-day-with-the-kids-db42f354321d
